If you immerse yourself in the best man speech world like we do, you'll notice certain things - like which lines are being used by practically every best man. These over-used lines admittedly incite laughter but they are so played out that they've become very annoying and boring to hear.
We mentioned this growing best man speech epidemic to you last year (here) and we're bringing it up again because your best man speech deserves better than a slew of played out jokes and lines. We've put together a list of the over-used phrases you should NOT include in your best man speech. And, if you respect the groom at all and/or value your role as best man, we suggest you read and heed our list carefully:
"Fornication. Excuse me. For an occasion such as this..."
"A wise man once told me that a best man's speech should be as long as the groom makes love. So, thank you everyone."
"Knowing that I had to write this speech, I turned to the Internet. I spent hours online and found really great stuff, but then I realized I was researching for a best man speech." (Here's another version: "I did what any good best man does and I went online. I found some pretty good stuff. Then I realized I was looking for speech ideas.")
"The two of you decided to get married for better or for worse. Which is quite appropriate because John, you couldn't have done any better; and Jane, you couldn't have done any worse."
"I was a bit bothered about having the title 'Best Man'. If I'm the 'Best Man' then why's the bride marrying the groom?"
"I'd like to thank the groom for picking me as his best man. It only took him 10 years to admit that I am the better man."
John recently called and asked me, "So Joe, what do you think about marriage?" I told him, "John, you're a great man and I'm flattered but I'm not that kind of guy." (Here's another version: "A while back John asked me what I thought about marriage. I told him that I was flattered but what happened between us was in the past.")
"Today is a really sad day for all the single guys out there because today a beautiful girl is off the market. And I think I can speak for all the single ladies out there when I say that today is just another day."
"John is smart, funny, good looking... Wait, John, what's that say? I can't read your handwriting."
"John was born on Tuesday, June 1st, 1980. I tried to link that day to some momentous and positive event in history but it seems that nothing really happened that day."
"Let's pick up our glasses and toast to the folks who mean the most to us tonight - the bartenders."
"I'm going to wind down now as I see there's only 3 minutes left for my speech and I'd like to leave time for applause."
"To laugh, to love, to laughter, and to happily every after." (Here's another version: "Here's to love, laughter, and happily ever after.")
Don't believe us? Just watch the two videos below and take note of the "similarities" between their speeches.